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ROUND TWO / BEST HERO & HEROINE SUBMISSIONS
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Holli Bertram
Ann Arbor, MI |
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CURSES!
(Paranormal)
Heroine:
Julie Dancer is 42, divorced, with a daughter in college. She's convinced
the gray in her hair is gathering momentum for a scalp takeover. She eats
one less meal a day just to maintain a weight that is 10 pounds heavier
than it should be. Her brain is losing so many cells that she's sure her
head will soon be hollow. But it's not her brain she's worried about when
the golden-eyed British hunk next door claims he needs to have sex with her
in order to break a curse!
Hero:
Harrison Chevalier is pretty much the uptight Brit he appears to be, but
that's because he was raised to be the impartial balance between light and
dark. Harrison is all about duty and order. When duty requires him to
seduce pretty Julie Dancer -- whose idea of order is calling for Chinese
take-out -- life will never be the same.
Judges' Comments:
Flavia Knightsbridge -- Clever way to describe Julie without resorting to a boring adjective list
or plot summary. Harrison sounds less dynamic. Beware your stuffy Brit
isn't too stuffy to engage readers.
Hilary Ross -- Both sound OK, and like their interaction, will be interesting enough.
Also, there are hints of some welcome lightness and possible humor.
Leslie Kazanjian -- Starchy Harrison Chevalier seems likely to be the perfect foil for ditzy
Julie Dancer, and I expect his encounters with her to provide plenty of
sparks!
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Mel Hiers
Smyrna, TN |
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VOICE OF THE BARD
(Contemporary Fantasy)
Heroine:
Anna Martin didn't expect to meet a half-naked gentle giant when she first
pulled into her driveway. She doesn't know what it is about him that makes
her trip over her own feet. Maybe it's his honest gaze, his easy laugh, or
the adorable way he pushes his glasses up his nose. She's sorely tempted to
give in to his persistent pursuit of her, but doing so would put both of
them in danger. What's a girl to do?
Hero:
A widower, Dave James was content with his life as a mechanic in Virtue,
Ind., until the mysterious Anna arrives. He likes her sharp wit, her
stubbornness, occasional clumsiness, and the way she fits in his arms when
they dance. Not to mention her short, curvy form and big brown eyes. He
knows it will take time to wear down her defenses enough for a
relationship. That's all right. Dave's a patient man.
Judges' Comments:
Flavia Knightsbridge -- Yawn. These clichéd lists of attributes aren't grabbing me. Don't give me
hackneyed cover copy, tell me who your characters really are. An honest
gaze and occasional clumsiness are surface details, not the essence of
memorable characters.
Hilary Ross -- They sound pretty much like nice, normal people (but the story will tell).
Leslie Kazanjian -- Self-effacing yet a tiny bit sassy, klutzy Anna instantly wins my
sympathies and makes me want to read more about her. Patient but with a
purpose, observant and appreciative of life's unexpected niceties,
plainspoken, persistent Dave sounds like a rock-solid, mouthwatering male.
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Anitra Lynn McLeod
Salt Lake City, UT |
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THIEF
(Futuristic Western)
Heroine:
As a thief with the ability to psychically read objects, Kraft has been in
plenty of tight spots before, but nothing as dangerous as cook-whore to the
tempting Jace Lawless. Kraft, a genetically enhanced assassin, could easily
commandeer his ship, but honor holds her in check. Her goal is to get back
on her own ship with her heart, her pants and her secret past intact.
Hero:
As a down-on-his-luck captain of a thief crew the last thing Jace Lawless
needs on his dilapidated ship is an expensive cook-whore. Yet, he feels
obligated to save Kraft for showing mercy to him. A decade of celibacy
makes the alluring Kraft almost impossible for Jace to resist, but how much
mercy will he show when he discovers the secret of her past?
Judges' Comments:
Flavia Knightsbridge -- Doesn't everyone want an expensive cook-whore? (That's gotta be one hell of
a job description.) The whole thing sounds a little cartoonish though, it
might be asking readers to suspend a lot of disbelief. (He's a man who
takes what he wants for a living, yet he's been celibate for 10 years?
She's an assassin, but she's just biding her time politely as a servant?)
We'll see if this holds up.
Hilary Ross -- How the relationship between the two will evolve seems evident, but I can't
say I care for the old-fashioned type-casting of the woman's role in this
futuristic story.
Leslie Kazanjian -- An assassin with attitude, a thief with honor, Kraft sounds like a heroine
after a reader's heart. And a pirate with principles, a celibate seaman
set to explode? Jace Lawless sounds as delicious as his name!
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Trish Milburn
Hermitage, TN |
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OUT OF SIGHT
(Paranormal)
Heroine:
Jenna McCay's ability to make herself invisible is caught on video. One day
she's a police officer with a secret; the next she's going undercover for
an unnamed agency, unearthing an assassin inside the White House. She
exchanges her services for information about her father, who may still be
alive but held by terrorists. As if that wasn't enough, she's also fighting
her attraction to the enigmatic Agent Daniel Webster, who could be foe as
easily as friend.
Hero:
Daniel Webster's job is to make sure Jenna McCay does hers. He's performed
such jobs countless times, but none of his charges have ever proved so
interesting or attractive. He begins to wonder if Jenna is the person with
whom he can finally share his own secret, the reason why he can't leave the
agency -- and why she can't either.
Judges' Comments:
Flavia Knightsbridge -- Nicely done. The special powers angle is right in line with the current
trend of superheroes in pop culture and the amount of detail you both give
and withhold seems like just the right balance to make it non-generic but
to hook readers.
Hilary Ross -- Their situation sounds interesting.
Leslie Kazanjian -- I already like this cop with a secret or two and can readily sympathize
with her plight. I suspect that readers will feel the same way. World-weary
Daniel Webster starts out with a great name, and I can't wait to unwrap his
secrets!
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Lexie O'Neill
Goose Creek, SC |
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Round Two Elimination
BACKWOODS INVADER
(Paranormal Romance)
Heroine:
Delaney Harris, 22-year-old daughter of a redneck father, wants to get away
from the hills and controlling men. Then a sexy alien whisks her away to
his place (far, far away), and she discovers he's in line to become master
of the universe. Though she loves him, she fights to get her redheaded self
back home -- and in charge of her own life.
Hero:
Treynan Rodale, the equivalent of a prince in space, completes a mission
guaranteed to bring him promotion when he crashes in the backwoods of
Virginia. The cousin he trained dies and Treynan fears it was supposed to
be him. Stranded, he must rely on the help of the locals -- and Delaney,
who feeds him, helps him find work, and starts to discover she may not be
all that averse to a man who wants to protect his family for a change.
Judges' Comments:
Flavia Knightsbridge -- Too much plot and physical description. Did you delve at all beyond the
"alpha alien" and "feisty redhead" stereotypes for your characters? If so,
you can't tell from this entry.
Hilary Ross -- They sound OK but not like an ideal couple on the face of it, anyway.
Leslie Kazanjian -- Spirited, smart and daring as heck, this spunky redhead wins my heart
right from the start. She should be a perfect match for strange but sexy
"master of the universe" Treynan, with his determination to be his own man
(alien?) and resist unnecessary diversions as he sets out to conquer the
universe.
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Helen Scott Taylor
Plymouth, Devon, UK |
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THE MAGIC KNOT
(Paranormal)
Heroine:
Thirtysomething accountant Rosenwyn Tremain is bright, ambitious and likes
to be in control. The weird things her mother taught her -- like reading
tarot cards that speak to her -- mean she doesn't quite fit in with her
colleagues. Her troubles begin when she discovers her mother was a fairy
princess, her father is a dark druid, and she's the last hope for an
imprisoned race of fairies. But to free them, she needs the help of an
enigmatic Irish fairy man who won't cooperate.
Hero:
Niall O'Connor rides an old motorcycle and lives at the family pub. With
his Irish touch-of-luck, he plays the stock market to support his twin
brother and leprechaun half-sister while pretending he doesn't care about
the noble fairy father who rejected him. Women attracted by his soft Irish
brogue and dark good looks are quickly discouraged by the guarded look in
his eyes -- except Rose. She won't take no for an answer.
Judges' Comments:
Flavia Knightsbridge -- I like the juxtaposition of the modern setting and careers with the
paranormal. Reminds me of some of Nora Roberts' Irish-set series. It's a
good blend of reality and fantasy, and you seem to know your characters
well.
Hilary Ross -- It sounds as if the interaction between these two will make an interesting
story.
Leslie Kazanjian -- Darkly handsome, secretly wounded, self-sacrificing and boasting a soft
Irish brogue? Show me the female who wouldn't swoon over the ruggedly
dashing Niall, even straitlaced numbers-cruncher Rose!
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Mai Christy Thao
Chester, SC |
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PRINCE OF DARKNESS
(Paranormal)
Heroine:
Her destiny had been that of a powerful Lythen princess. Instead, Anoria
chose love and paid the price. Cursed immortal and blind, she vows never to
use the magick that thrives inside her, blaming it for Kym'rin's death.
When she learns Kym'rin is not dead, Anoria is determined to fight once
more for the love she almost lost. She won't lose him to the darkness, even
if it means accepting her magick and the destiny she'd once denied.
Hero:
Cursed for a deed he hadn't committed and left for dead, Prince Kym'rin has
returned to his beloved, Anoria, with a terrible secret. As an altercation
of the curse, an evil darkness grows inside him. He has no wish to lose his
soul to the darkness. But when Anoria's life is threatened and he learns
the only way to save her is to embrace his curse and become the greater
evil, Kym'rin must face his darkness before he loses Anoria -- or fall prey
to the darkness.
Judges' Comments:
Flavia Knightsbridge -- Sounds angsty. Let's hope there's as much external conflict as there is
internal, to balance the book.
Hilary Ross -- Maybe the story itself will mitigate what I found to be very off-putting
characters to read about with all that evil, blindness, angst, etc.
Leslie Kazanjian -- The writing here is undeniably awkward, but Prince Kym'rin promises to be
the sort of ultra-dark and brooding hero that appeals to many readers, and
his quest suggests plenty of drama to come as he apparently risks his very
soul for the clearly beleaguered Anoria, with her inner -- and outer! -- conflicts.
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Evonne Wareham
Barry, South Wales, UK |
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Round Two Elimination
OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND
(Paranormal Romantic Suspense)
Heroine:
Madison Albi knows she's a freak. Self-knowledge is power. But what can
make you powerful can also make you vulnerable. Everyone who ever loved
Madison is dead. All she has left is her work. Madison Albi reads minds.
She's a big, bad research scientist who hasn't given up on the fun stuff -
pizza, perfume, scary movies. She's just careful who she shares with. She's
safe, if no one gets too close. And so are they.
Hero:
He isn't like Madison's regular dates. First off, he doesn't smell too good
- but then he has been sleeping on the street for months. He's big, far too
heavy for her to lift; dark cap, dark hair, dark stubble - and the most
disgusting overcoat she's ever seen. But he does have one irresistible
attraction - a connection to Madison's mind that she's never experienced
before. It's too bad that he can't remember who he is.
Judges' Comments:
Flavia Knightsbridge -- Nice descriptions. You clearly know who Madison is and you leave an
intriguing hint of mystery about our hero (including his name).
Hilary Ross -- The heroine, thank God, sounds appealingly normal with the exception of her
mind-reading ability. Hopefully the hero will lose his un-herolike
stinkiness once he cleans up and finds out who he is, etc.
Leslie Kazanjian -- Madison sounds like quite a lovable "freak," and I like the
research-scientist angle. Although he's physically repellent at first, our
tall, dark amnesiac hero with an inside line to Madison's mind sounds
intriguing. Of course we want to know more!
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