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  AMERICAN TITLE IV


Whose Book Will Be the Next


American Title?
 

 

ROUND TWO / BEST HERO & HEROINE SUBMISSIONS


Holli Bertram, American Title Writing Competition Finalist
Holli Bertram
Ann Arbor, MI
 
CURSES!
(Paranormal)

Heroine:
Julie Dancer is 42, divorced, with a daughter in college. She's convinced the gray in her hair is gathering momentum for a scalp takeover. She eats one less meal a day just to maintain a weight that is 10 pounds heavier than it should be. Her brain is losing so many cells that she's sure her head will soon be hollow. But it's not her brain she's worried about when the golden-eyed British hunk next door claims he needs to have sex with her in order to break a curse!

Hero:
Harrison Chevalier is pretty much the uptight Brit he appears to be, but that's because he was raised to be the impartial balance between light and dark. Harrison is all about duty and order. When duty requires him to seduce pretty Julie Dancer -- whose idea of order is calling for Chinese take-out -- life will never be the same.

Judges' Comments:

Flavia Knightsbridge -- Clever way to describe Julie without resorting to a boring adjective list or plot summary. Harrison sounds less dynamic. Beware your stuffy Brit isn't too stuffy to engage readers.

Hilary Ross -- Both sound OK, and like their interaction, will be interesting enough. Also, there are hints of some welcome lightness and possible humor.

Leslie Kazanjian -- Starchy Harrison Chevalier seems likely to be the perfect foil for ditzy Julie Dancer, and I expect his encounters with her to provide plenty of sparks!



Mel Hiers, American Title Writing Competition Finalist
Mel Hiers
Smyrna, TN
 
VOICE OF THE BARD
(Contemporary Fantasy)

Heroine:
Anna Martin didn't expect to meet a half-naked gentle giant when she first pulled into her driveway. She doesn't know what it is about him that makes her trip over her own feet. Maybe it's his honest gaze, his easy laugh, or the adorable way he pushes his glasses up his nose. She's sorely tempted to give in to his persistent pursuit of her, but doing so would put both of them in danger. What's a girl to do?

Hero:
A widower, Dave James was content with his life as a mechanic in Virtue, Ind., until the mysterious Anna arrives. He likes her sharp wit, her stubbornness, occasional clumsiness, and the way she fits in his arms when they dance. Not to mention her short, curvy form and big brown eyes. He knows it will take time to wear down her defenses enough for a relationship. That's all right. Dave's a patient man.

Judges' Comments:

Flavia Knightsbridge -- Yawn. These clichéd lists of attributes aren't grabbing me. Don't give me hackneyed cover copy, tell me who your characters really are. An honest gaze and occasional clumsiness are surface details, not the essence of memorable characters.

Hilary Ross -- They sound pretty much like nice, normal people (but the story will tell).

Leslie Kazanjian -- Self-effacing yet a tiny bit sassy, klutzy Anna instantly wins my sympathies and makes me want to read more about her. Patient but with a purpose, observant and appreciative of life's unexpected niceties, plainspoken, persistent Dave sounds like a rock-solid, mouthwatering male.



Anitra Lynn McLeod, American Title Writing Competition Finalist
Anitra Lynn McLeod
Salt Lake City, UT
 
THIEF
(Futuristic Western)

Heroine:
As a thief with the ability to psychically read objects, Kraft has been in plenty of tight spots before, but nothing as dangerous as cook-whore to the tempting Jace Lawless. Kraft, a genetically enhanced assassin, could easily commandeer his ship, but honor holds her in check. Her goal is to get back on her own ship with her heart, her pants and her secret past intact.

Hero:
As a down-on-his-luck captain of a thief crew the last thing Jace Lawless needs on his dilapidated ship is an expensive cook-whore. Yet, he feels obligated to save Kraft for showing mercy to him. A decade of celibacy makes the alluring Kraft almost impossible for Jace to resist, but how much mercy will he show when he discovers the secret of her past?

Judges' Comments:

Flavia Knightsbridge -- Doesn't everyone want an expensive cook-whore? (That's gotta be one hell of a job description.) The whole thing sounds a little cartoonish though, it might be asking readers to suspend a lot of disbelief. (He's a man who takes what he wants for a living, yet he's been celibate for 10 years? She's an assassin, but she's just biding her time politely as a servant?) We'll see if this holds up.

Hilary Ross -- How the relationship between the two will evolve seems evident, but I can't say I care for the old-fashioned type-casting of the woman's role in this futuristic story.

Leslie Kazanjian -- An assassin with attitude, a thief with honor, Kraft sounds like a heroine after a reader's heart. And a pirate with principles, a celibate seaman set to explode? Jace Lawless sounds as delicious as his name!



Trish Milburn, American Title Writing Competition Contestant
Trish Milburn
Hermitage, TN
 
OUT OF SIGHT
(Paranormal)

Heroine:
Jenna McCay's ability to make herself invisible is caught on video. One day she's a police officer with a secret; the next she's going undercover for an unnamed agency, unearthing an assassin inside the White House. She exchanges her services for information about her father, who may still be alive but held by terrorists. As if that wasn't enough, she's also fighting her attraction to the enigmatic Agent Daniel Webster, who could be foe as easily as friend.

Hero:
Daniel Webster's job is to make sure Jenna McCay does hers. He's performed such jobs countless times, but none of his charges have ever proved so interesting or attractive. He begins to wonder if Jenna is the person with whom he can finally share his own secret, the reason why he can't leave the agency -- and why she can't either.

Judges' Comments:

Flavia Knightsbridge -- Nicely done. The special powers angle is right in line with the current trend of superheroes in pop culture and the amount of detail you both give and withhold seems like just the right balance to make it non-generic but to hook readers.

Hilary Ross -- Their situation sounds interesting.

Leslie Kazanjian -- I already like this cop with a secret or two and can readily sympathize with her plight. I suspect that readers will feel the same way. World-weary Daniel Webster starts out with a great name, and I can't wait to unwrap his secrets!



Lexie O'Neill, American Title Writing Competition Finalist
Lexie O'Neill
Goose Creek, SC
 
Round Two Elimination

BACKWOODS INVADER
(Paranormal Romance)

Heroine:
Delaney Harris, 22-year-old daughter of a redneck father, wants to get away from the hills and controlling men. Then a sexy alien whisks her away to his place (far, far away), and she discovers he's in line to become master of the universe. Though she loves him, she fights to get her redheaded self back home -- and in charge of her own life.

Hero:
Treynan Rodale, the equivalent of a prince in space, completes a mission guaranteed to bring him promotion when he crashes in the backwoods of Virginia. The cousin he trained dies and Treynan fears it was supposed to be him. Stranded, he must rely on the help of the locals -- and Delaney, who feeds him, helps him find work, and starts to discover she may not be all that averse to a man who wants to protect his family for a change.

Judges' Comments:

Flavia Knightsbridge -- Too much plot and physical description. Did you delve at all beyond the "alpha alien" and "feisty redhead" stereotypes for your characters? If so, you can't tell from this entry.

Hilary Ross -- They sound OK but not like an ideal couple on the face of it, anyway.

Leslie Kazanjian -- Spirited, smart and daring as heck, this spunky redhead wins my heart right from the start. She should be a perfect match for strange but sexy "master of the universe" Treynan, with his determination to be his own man (alien?) and resist unnecessary diversions as he sets out to conquer the universe.



Helen Scott Taylor, American Title Writing Competition Contestant
Helen Scott Taylor
Plymouth, Devon, UK
 
THE MAGIC KNOT
(Paranormal)

Heroine:
Thirtysomething accountant Rosenwyn Tremain is bright, ambitious and likes to be in control. The weird things her mother taught her -- like reading tarot cards that speak to her -- mean she doesn't quite fit in with her colleagues. Her troubles begin when she discovers her mother was a fairy princess, her father is a dark druid, and she's the last hope for an imprisoned race of fairies. But to free them, she needs the help of an enigmatic Irish fairy man who won't cooperate.

Hero:
Niall O'Connor rides an old motorcycle and lives at the family pub. With his Irish touch-of-luck, he plays the stock market to support his twin brother and leprechaun half-sister while pretending he doesn't care about the noble fairy father who rejected him. Women attracted by his soft Irish brogue and dark good looks are quickly discouraged by the guarded look in his eyes -- except Rose. She won't take no for an answer.

Judges' Comments:

Flavia Knightsbridge -- I like the juxtaposition of the modern setting and careers with the paranormal. Reminds me of some of Nora Roberts' Irish-set series. It's a good blend of reality and fantasy, and you seem to know your characters well.

Hilary Ross -- It sounds as if the interaction between these two will make an interesting story.

Leslie Kazanjian -- Darkly handsome, secretly wounded, self-sacrificing and boasting a soft Irish brogue? Show me the female who wouldn't swoon over the ruggedly dashing Niall, even straitlaced numbers-cruncher Rose!



Mai Christy Thao, American Title Writing Competition Finalist
Mai Christy Thao
Chester, SC
 
PRINCE OF DARKNESS
(Paranormal)

Heroine:
Her destiny had been that of a powerful Lythen princess. Instead, Anoria chose love and paid the price. Cursed immortal and blind, she vows never to use the magick that thrives inside her, blaming it for Kym'rin's death. When she learns Kym'rin is not dead, Anoria is determined to fight once more for the love she almost lost. She won't lose him to the darkness, even if it means accepting her magick and the destiny she'd once denied.

Hero:
Cursed for a deed he hadn't committed and left for dead, Prince Kym'rin has returned to his beloved, Anoria, with a terrible secret. As an altercation of the curse, an evil darkness grows inside him. He has no wish to lose his soul to the darkness. But when Anoria's life is threatened and he learns the only way to save her is to embrace his curse and become the greater evil, Kym'rin must face his darkness before he loses Anoria -- or fall prey to the darkness.

Judges' Comments:

Flavia Knightsbridge -- Sounds angsty. Let's hope there's as much external conflict as there is internal, to balance the book.

Hilary Ross -- Maybe the story itself will mitigate what I found to be very off-putting characters to read about with all that evil, blindness, angst, etc.

Leslie Kazanjian -- The writing here is undeniably awkward, but Prince Kym'rin promises to be the sort of ultra-dark and brooding hero that appeals to many readers, and his quest suggests plenty of drama to come as he apparently risks his very soul for the clearly beleaguered Anoria, with her inner -- and outer! -- conflicts.



Evonne Wareham, American Title Writing Competition Contestant
Evonne Wareham
Barry, South Wales, UK
 
Round Two Elimination

OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND
(Paranormal Romantic Suspense)

Heroine:
Madison Albi knows she's a freak. Self-knowledge is power. But what can make you powerful can also make you vulnerable. Everyone who ever loved Madison is dead. All she has left is her work. Madison Albi reads minds. She's a big, bad research scientist who hasn't given up on the fun stuff - pizza, perfume, scary movies. She's just careful who she shares with. She's safe, if no one gets too close. And so are they.

Hero:
He isn't like Madison's regular dates. First off, he doesn't smell too good - but then he has been sleeping on the street for months. He's big, far too heavy for her to lift; dark cap, dark hair, dark stubble - and the most disgusting overcoat she's ever seen. But he does have one irresistible attraction - a connection to Madison's mind that she's never experienced before. It's too bad that he can't remember who he is.

Judges' Comments:

Flavia Knightsbridge -- Nice descriptions. You clearly know who Madison is and you leave an intriguing hint of mystery about our hero (including his name).

Hilary Ross -- The heroine, thank God, sounds appealingly normal with the exception of her mind-reading ability. Hopefully the hero will lose his un-herolike stinkiness once he cleans up and finds out who he is, etc.

Leslie Kazanjian -- Madison sounds like quite a lovable "freak," and I like the research-scientist angle. Although he's physically repellent at first, our tall, dark amnesiac hero with an inside line to Madison's mind sounds intriguing. Of course we want to know more!


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