When Curtiss
Ann Matlock was doing research for one of her books that features a
substantial age difference between her hero and heroine, she learned
something very interesting. According to a survey conducted in the
1980s, 45% of all successful marriages shared one common
denominator: the wife was five years older than her husband.
Surprising? This must be one of America's best-kept secrets. If this
is such a formula for success, why is the subject so taboo?
Publishers say they don't want books with this theme, and anyone in
a relationship with an age difference seems embarrassed by it, yet
readers love to read books that feature a May-December romance. So
what gives?…
Older men and younger women, younger men and
older women. It's a subject that makes us uncomfortable and one we
often make jokes about in order to ease this discomfort. Yet
relationships featuring a distinctive age gap are often very
successful. Why should age difference be considered such a conflict?
Many romance authors have addressed the age-old conflict from both
angles, but you'll be quite surprised to see how many very popular
and successful romances have featured an older woman with a younger
man. No longer so taboo as it once was!
What's The Appeal?
Women scoff at men who have trophy
brides–men roll their eyes when they see women with hunky
younger guys. Both are threatened by the choices their counterparts
are making. Why? Because they are choosing new partners based on
deep socio-biological inclinations.
Attraction is a very strange
thing…ask men what they are looking for in a woman and they
will tell you long legs and a big bosom. Women say they want a man
with a good sense of humor. Of course that's all true–but when
partners seek each other out, there are many other facets of the
equation: sex drive, reproductive needs, experience and status.
Women are attracted to older men because they are looking for
good providers. If a woman marries a fellow that is substantially
older, he must have high status and high resources. When you have
children, you want them to be well provided for, and an older man
has already proven that he can do this.
Older men are attracted
to younger women for status reasons, too. They go after younger
women when they have achieved a level of success in their careers.
They are less focused on creative challenges and want to show their
peers that they have achieved success: a big house, fast car and, of
course, a gorgeous young woman.
A younger man-older woman
relationship focuses on the other two aspects of the equation: sex
drive and experience. Biologically there is greater sexual
compatibility: Older women are sexually experienced and are less
inhibited. Younger men have a greater sex-drive and can keep up.
Freud argued that part of our psychological make-up revolves
around women's attraction to their fathers and men's attraction to
their mothers. This theory may make us uncomfortable–but it
does shed light on why either variation of the May-December romance
would be considered taboo.
-Kate Ryan
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